you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
