I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
