Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
