I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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