Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
