Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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