Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
