I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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