you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Sober January is a disaster.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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