WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
