I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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