A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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