I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
