OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
