I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
