you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
