I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
