He felt like a one man threesome
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
