he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize