The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So much rum. So many feels.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
