just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
