You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You pole danced in your parka.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
