My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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