If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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