I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
