i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
