I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I will pee on everything he values.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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