i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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