I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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