I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
