just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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