In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
