No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
