Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize