My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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