I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
