Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
