woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
