this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
