The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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