She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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