when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
