whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
