For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
