do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
