2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize