FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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