Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
