pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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