I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
