Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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