I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
