I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
