Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
