Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
