I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Sext me about skeletons
I love you.
Bad choice
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
