we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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