like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
