first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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