One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
