Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
