i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize