It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
