I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
