Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
