I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize