Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
