Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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