I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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