My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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