i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
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