laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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