the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
